Nippel

Manch­mal fra­ge ich mich, ob auch vor Nip­pel­ga­te die Nip­pel so inten­siv öffent­li­che Auf­merk­sam­keit bekom­men haben, oder ob damals ein­fach ein Trend in Gang gesetzt wur­de. Käl­te­re­ak­tio­nen weib­li­cher Nip­pel waren schon ab und an Gesprächs­the­ma, die ver­gleichs­wei­se trä­ge Beschaf­fen­heit ihrer männ­li­chen Gegen­stü­cke auch, aber schon weni­ger.

Für Tineroy­al jeden­falls kenn­zeich­net sich ein neue-Welt-Gefühl gera­de an den bei­den klei­nen Din­gern:

nippelbrennen

Es ist doch erstaun­lich, wie inne­re Befind­lich­kei­ten und Kör­per­re­ak­tio­nen neue Wel­ten auf­zei­gen. Wäh­rend wir hier also ler­nen, dass sich Nip­pel als emo­tio­na­le Woh­nungs­wohl­fühl­feu­er­mel­der ver­wen­den las­sen, muss Stahl­rat­te sie wohl noch für ganz ande­re Din­ge ein­ge­setzt haben:

nippelbluten

Ja, Aua. Ich kom­me mir da gera­de ver­gleichs­wei­se unbe­darft vor und kann nur ver­wun­dert zuse­hen. Kasn scheint da invol­vier­ter zu sein und hat da wohl einen umfas­sen­den Rat:

nippelabkleben

Das ist übri­gens nicht nur ein Gesund­heits­tipp, wie man viel­leicht jetzt den Ein­druck bekom­men könn­te. Nein, nein, es ist auch ein sehr guter Tipp für Nach­rich­ten­spre­che­rin­nen, damit sie nicht hup­pi­wupp in Twit­ter auf­tau­chen:

gundulagausesnippel1

Bes­ser: Ein­fach mal abkle­ben. Mit Claus’ Kle­ber.

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The warm bed

Cou­ples often have their own rules. My ex-girlfriend had a look that told me to shut up imme­dia­te­ly. When we we’re on a par­ty and she star­ted rub­bing her arm it meant she wan­ted to lea­ve. If she was tal­king to someo­ne and star­ted tous­ling her hair it ment: “Get me out of this con­ver­sa­ti­on!” And the­re are some other ges­tu­res I not going to reveal here.

So some­ti­mes this sort of cou­p­le­hood is fun­ny. And the­re are times I miss that. If you watch other cou­ples it’s dif­fe­rent. Some­ti­mes you shouldn’t care what they do. Some­ti­mes you should. But it’s not easy when to igno­re things done by a coup­le. I only think this case is crys­tal clear:

warmbed

So there’s some­thing new with this tweet. So far we only dealt with tweets tel­ling things that just hap­pen­ed. This is a tmi tweet also with infor­ma­ti­on that deals with some­thing yet to come…

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The warm surprise

Having a baby is one of the stran­gest things that can hap­pen to you. From one moment to the other you’re sup­po­sed to be a baby spe­cia­list when you turn into a father or a mother. And imme­dia­te­ly your sur­roun­ded by baby spe­cia­lists that cri­ti­ci­ze you or try to give use­ful hints to tre­at your baby right.

If that’s not the case for a second the­re are still your own par­ents that can tell you that they don’t see their grand­child often enough.
Despi­te the­se influ­en­ces of peop­le who think they know the sci­ence of babya­lism you’re still respon­si­ble to find out how your own baby works.

Tony Jones has a baby. Actual­ly his child is alre­ady 4 years old. Still he’s try­ing to find methods to calm his child down, whene­ver it goes wild. And as he final­ly got one working method he says:

warmbath

Somehow this is a spe­cial TMIt­weet. This tweet defi­ni­te­ly offers a TMI messa­ge, but can you loca­te it? It seems to be in one’s own head. What a stran­ge thing. As if that kind of action hap­pens all the time. Find out if the­re are peop­le that don’t get the messa­ge!

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The warm triangle

Most of spam mails seem to deal with the enlar­ge­ment of the sexu­al organ of men. No mat­ter how lar­ge it is, if you’ve got the money you should buy sub­s­tan­ces that make it lar­ger. Or make him stand lon­ger. But as far as I know that’s it. There’s not much more to do with it.

What a dif­fe­rence to fema­le sexu­al organs. The­re ist hard­ly ever spam dealing with how to fix it in any kind of way. Alt­hough there’s so much you can do with it com­pa­red to the male organ:

warmvagina

What a fool I am. How long was I real­ly thin­king women turn into vege­ta­ri­ans to safe tho­se cuddly ani­mals.

What a giant hoax.

We should make the same enlar­ge­ment sto­ry up with the tight­ness and tas­te of fema­le organs. And that they should appe­ar in a way that only spe­cial vege­ta­ri­an food can deli­ver. Or is that who­le vege­ta­ri­an thing strict­ly speaking alre­ady that kind of sto­ry?

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The warm welcome

When I wat­ched a James Bond movie from the 70s late­ly I was very sur­pri­sed how often women were pun­ched by James. After that they show­ed a Bond docu­men­ta­ti­on whe­re a for­mer Bond girl was as sur­pri­sed as me see­ing that pun­ches.
To me that chan­ge in male beha­viour towards women in the last 30 years has been going on qui­te silent­ly. So that nowa­days it’s cris­tal clear you’re not having a chan­ce with a woman with class in sho­wing any kind of agres­si­on towards her.

Still it seems to be a mal fan­ta­sy to be that ani­mal like when it comes to their needs. Leven­dis tells us:
warmhand

What a sound bite for a James Bond movie. After having pun­ching, joking, depres­sed and oversty­led James Bonds, how about James Bond stan­ding for true male fan­ta­sies?

Just ima­gi­ne: 25 minu­tes after this film has star­ted, after the evil guy and his plans are intro­du­ced, after Bond smas­hes his first vehi­cle, when he meets his first cau­tious, half-evil Bond girl, let him say: “How about a warm hand for my penis?”

The girl would look spa­cy as always with that play­ful smi­le on her face, wouldn’t she?

P.S.:

I just saw a video with Sean Con­ne­ry tel­ling you when slap­ping a woman is okay:

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The lord and the ring

So, final­ly this year comes to an end and this is our last ent­ry this year. And to pre­sent some­thing spe­cial we’ve got two pre­mie­res today. Today’s tweet is not a tweet but a dent and it’s from a frech­man. You will find out the signi­fi­can­ce of the lat­ter soon. We took a dent, that is an ent­ry from identi.ca, becau­se TMI do come up the­re nowa­days as well. So for us the con­tent is important, not the name of the ent­ry.

It’s not a too easy task for guys to plea­su­re girls. As a cool guy you’re sup­po­sed to know. It’s enough for girls to smi­le and wait. Guys get the pres­su­re. Wit­hin a guest arti­cle I was thin­king about tho­se poor ger­mans that are not well known to be good lovers. This is dif­fe­rent with their french com­ba­tants.

A french lover seems to be a guy that knows how to tre­at girls right, when to talk and when to kiss. Kay­sha is one of that kind, a guy that can make girls moan. See his open shirt, his body and the cross upon his chest. Body and soul seem to act in har­mo­ny.

But, uh, some­ti­mes things slip away from his atten­ti­on…

thelordandthering

So wel­co­me to the world of french lovers. A world that starts with the ques­ti­on: “What things do I miss today and could it be I acci­den­ti­al­ly left them in a girl’s vagi­na? And who­se vagi­na?”

But it shouldn’t be much of a pro­blem for a french lover to get things right. A pho­ne call will do. “Hi! Do you remem­ber me from last night? I’m mis­sing my keys. Did you find some­thing in your vagi­na this morning, that was not sup­po­sed to be the­re?”

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The christmas jingle

Christ­mas is the time of having fun, get­ting pres­ents and eating. And we all hope you’re having fun in that sen­se. But as you can ima­gi­ne TMIs don’t stop with christ­mas.
In a broad sen­se Christ­mas is a ying and yang thing. You give pres­ents, you get pres­ents, you visit peop­le, peop­le visit you, you’re eating tons of food and meet that stuff again…

xmasdinner2

Well, in hoping you’re going to lis­ten also to other christ­mas tunes this year: Mer­ry Christ­mas whe­re­ver you are!

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The coco scent

It’s christ­mas time. It’s time to get some pres­ents for the beloved. Most guys are known for not being too smart in cho­sing the right pre­sent. So they bet­ter lis­ten to their girls becau­se if girls know their guys they drop their wis­hes in what they say from time to time. Other­wi­se they have to think about it them­sel­ves and risk to cho­se exact­ly the wrong item.
Drink­bour­bon
clear­ly has snif­fed on the wrong item:

retiredhookersmenstrualflow

Is it just the meta­phor drink­bour­bon wants to point out or the rich­ness of scents he has smel­led so far?

I’m not jea­lous of him having the­se smell expe­ri­en­ces if it’s that what he’s tal­king about. A young hooker’s mens­tru­al flow must be more attrac­tive to him in that case, alt­hough that kind of sub­s­tan­ces ain’t some­thing that is kept in your body for years.

Any­way, I still haven’t impro­ved in tel­ling you how to get the best pre­sent. Cho­sing the right pre­sent just doesn’t seem to be a guy’s thing.

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The fucking star

Some­ti­mes the­re are dis­cus­sions star­ting becau­se of head­lines of dai­ly papers. Last week such a head­line in Ger­ma­ny dealt with the sexu­al life of a star.

The­re must be some­thing about dis­cus­sing the fre­quen­ci­es of stars having sex. David Duchov­ny thinks he has to much and more peop­le are inte­rested in that topic than in his tv show, whe­re he’s play­ing a guy having too much sex. Whe­re­as in the USA that topic is more an object of humour it was taken more serious­ly in Luxem­bourg:

altersack1

In english: “Fuck! I read while get­ting rolls: Heino’s got more sex than me. Dir­ty old prick.”

Hei­no is a ger­man folk music star who tur­ned 70 last satur­day and told the press he’s having sex 3 times a week. So in this case it’s not just about being inte­rested in the sexu­al habits of a star. It’s about com­pa­ring your own sexu­al life to that of a star. Papier­frau seems to be the loser of that com­pa­ri­son, which means she’s having sex less than three times a week. I guess what you think right about now is: How much is okay?

Anyhow to Papier­frau the sub­ject is not a nice one, eit­her due to not having a sexu­al life that’s worth making a head­line of or due to losing a com­pa­ri­son about having sex to a 70 year old folk music star.

It even gets worse as she cat­ches a glimps of the head­lines on the next morning:

altersack2

In english: “The media still deal with Heino’s sexu­al life. I don’t want to get infor­med about that, becau­se if, I’ll start figu­ring that sce­ne *fear*”

What a curious thing about the human brain. Alt­hough neit­her Heino’s music nor the ima­gi­na­ti­on of Hei­no having sex seem to be enjoya­ble occur­ren­ces to papier­frau it’s still inte­res­ting at first glace to think about the fre­quen­ces of him having sex.

It doesn’t help her anyhow and just keeps piling TMIs.

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The brownie

It’s one sto­ry bet­ween women and men that women always try to get their guys to sit on the toi­let. Stan­ding in front of it may be healt­hi­er for men but in most rela­ti­ons­hips it sim­ply means more work for women to clean ever­y­thing after­wards. Or they think it’s more hygie­nic wit­hin the bathroom as men sit down.
I think, my ladies, you won’t be able to edu­ca­te men that way. Just have a look at scot­ty­moon.

scottybrown

How robust men can be if the situa­ti­on affords it.

They do not let any­thing dis­turb their way of life as long as they know what’s to be done. And they don’t give up plans as new pre­con­di­ti­ons come up. Even if it is in form of a smel­ly, brown, flab­by sub­s­tan­ce qui­te near to them.

Somehow it would never ever occur to men in scotty’s situa­ti­on to clean the toi­let first befo­re doing what they we’re pla­ning to do as they enter the bathroom. Just think about how abstru­se that thought is: Men con­s­i­de­ring about clea­ning the toi­let first befo­re having a piss.

And is the­re still anyo­ne to think edu­ca­ti­on is the right thing to do here?

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